Why the words you use might be sabotaging your success…
Words are words, right? If we make a mistake and tell ourselves “I’m an idiot” but we’re joking – that doesn’t really matter. Of course, we know the difference…or do we?
Most likely not.
In fact, the more you say the same things over and over to yourself the more you internalize it. For instance, let’s take your vocabulary about money. Play back your built-in recorder regarding money & success. Are you guilty of using words like “filthy rich”, “stinking rich”, “hard-earned money”, “I can’t afford that” or “oh well – they’re just chips” (oops just practicing for my Mastermind meeting in Vegas next month) 
Many times you don’t even notice you are using self-defeating language unless you consciously stop to think about it. If you call someone “filthy rich” what is that saying about your view on money? On a deeper level you’re affirming to yourself that money is somehow dirty and bad. That’s not the positive energy you need to draw money to you quickly, easily and without drama.
If you pay attention you can hear people’s self-limiting beliefs revealed in the language they use everyday.
I remember a few years ago Missy & I were on a Pontoon boat with 3 other couples. We were cruising down the Chesapeake Bay and one of girls, M., looked towards and the shore and pointed to one of the exceptionally big houses. She blurted out, “Look at that –they’re so lucky!” I gave Missy a quick glance and she shot me back a look to be quiet – but I decided I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I asked M., “Why are they lucky? Don’t you think they’ve earned it?” She was speechless. I don’t know if she stopped to consider her beliefs there for a moment or she might have been surprised anyone wouldn’t agree those homeowners were lucky.
My step-mother will frequently tell me, “I’d rather be happy than rich.”
Okay. Her and my Dad aren’t doing bad at all but I find this comment so interesting. I call her on it and ask why you can’t be both. Seriously. So many people believe that happiness comes at the price of having money and that somehow being poor makes you happier or a better person. Why? I’ve always said money simply amplifies who you are.
If you were a jerk before you made money – you’ll be a bigger jerk! But if you were a generous, fun and caring person – money gives you the freedom and resources to being more generous, more fun and even more caring!
Stop yourself as you’re talking to yourself and to others and you’ll be shocked. Even little self-defeating words like “try” sneak in. This is one word I’ve tried to get got rid of in my own life. You can catch yourself on the phone with a friend, “I’ll try to make it tonight.” Or with a customer, “I’ll try to get that over to you today.” Umm…bullshit! Either you will or you will not. As Yoda from Star Wars says “There is no try – only do or not do.”
Look, I’m not perfect either. I get into trouble myself when I keep telling others and myself that “I’m so busy” or “I’m buried in work”. What’s that affirming to myself? Stress. It stresses me out repeating these words over and over because I have to say NO to so many things right now. However the way I say ‘No’ doesn’t have to be training myself I’m so busy.
I like reframing negative talk and turning it around so you can benefit from it. For example, Robert Kiyosaki frequently mentions in his “Rich Dad” series about his poor Dad saying “I can’t afford this” and his Rich Dad asking “How can I afford this?” That’s a completely different and empowering question. Think of words like “can’t” or “won’t” and when appropriate change to “How can I…..?” or “How will I…..?” One closes you down to solutions – the other causes our brains to naturally search for the answer to the problem.
Personally, I used this same idea when I decided to purchase a space flight on Virgin Galactic. My answer was to create a new product to pay for the $200k flight. But it’s gone well beyond the $200k because I now have another asset that will continue to pay me for years to come. [Side note: I’m super excited to meet Richard Branson next month at the unveiling of Virgin Galactic’s Space Ship Two in NYC. Will keep you posted.]
Want to share the self-defeating words you’ve caught others saying or even yourself if you’re brave enough…post a comment.
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A couple updates on other items…
Update #1: There are 2 spots left for the premiere Maverick Business Adventures™ trip to Baja and I’ve just confirmed Jesse James will be coming in.
Behind his bad boy image and tattoos – Jesse James is one sharp business Maverick.
He has become a cable TV and pop-culture phenomenon who now brings in more than $200 million a year between his West Coast Choppers, a growing apparel line, appearance on Discovery Channel’s “Monster Garage”, inking a 2-year production deal with Spike TV, his new burger chain and more. Plus, it doesn’t hurt that he’s married to actress Sandra Bullock.
Jesse’s humble beginnings start with West Coast Choppers in 1992 out of a corner of a friend’s garage. Now he has over 50 employees, an 18,000-square-foot facility in Long Beach, CA and sells his bikes for $60,000 to $150,000 each to a clientele that includes celebrities such as Shaquille O’Neal, Keanu Reeves, Kid Rock and model Tyson Beckford.
And Jesse will be on the Ultimate Baja Experience with Maverick Business Adventures™ members. You’ll be able to ask questions, learn from him or just hang out since he’ll be with us for 2 solid days.
There are 2 spots remaining. If you want in – I suggest you apply immediately.
We’re also bringing in former NFL Pro Bowl linebacker and 2-time Super Bowl champion Carl Banks. Carl will give you a true insider’s view as we watch the “Big Game” together in Cabo.
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Update #2: Public Domain Goldmine™ CDs are selling out quickly
Every few months we release a new volume of public domain works that you can start profiting from right away. If you’ve been wondering “what do I sell online?” – this is for you. Nearly EVERYTHING is done for you including all the market research, competitive analysis, keyword analysis, locating back-end affiliate revenue sources, finding potential joint venture partners, clearing the copyrights, etc. – All for a TINY fraction of the time and money you would have to spend if you did it all yourself. Check it out before it sells out again.
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December 22nd, 2007 at 11:12 am
As you think, so you speak.As you speak, so you build yourself up and as you build yourself up , your future is wrought by you. You have none but yourself for whatever that you become. The earlier one realises this golden truth , the better the chances for salvation!!!
December 22nd, 2007 at 11:18 am
Hi Yanik,
I’ve been an avid reader of your websites for a while now.
I pre-ordered your book from Amazon “Moonlighting on the Internet” and I love it!
I do have a question about the book though.
On page 42, there’s a note at the bottom about Clickbank which says …”Check the video on the companion CD” … my book doesn’t have a companion CD. Is this a typo because a CD was going to be with the book, but later removed, or am I missing my CD?
Thanks for the great motivation.
Next year I plan on being financially able to attend the Maverick Business Adventure with your help and guidance.
Ciao,
Chase.
December 22nd, 2007 at 12:38 pm
Chase, yeah unfortunately the publisher decided to not include a CD-rom. We are posting videos (when completed) on MoonlightingontheInternet.com
December 22nd, 2007 at 12:56 pm
Hi Yanik, all the best with your trip.
Many people sabotage themselves because they don’t take the right step. Even they start to BIG, are they don’t think BIG.
Internet marketing is easy, yet many people want to make us believe that it’s difficult, and even worst, they don’t point newbies in the right direction.
Hapilly, you give people really awesome information. I am going to make a special page just for you on y affiliate marketing site.
Plus your products are top notch. I don’t hesitate to recommend them because I really learned a lot from you.
People buy products that cost thousands of dollars… Researching the next trick.
Just a question Yanik if you don’t mind.. I want to ask you for a long time. Here it is…
Your 33 Days to online profits is excellent and I still recommend it today, BUT why don’t you update it??
It would take less than one day to do, and frankly, it’s one of the best products on the web today.
People fail because they don’t have a PLAN, and the 33 days is a great PLAN.
All the best,
Waiting for video of your trip!
Franck,
The Body Guard Marketer!
December 22nd, 2007 at 7:53 pm
Well said Yanik. It is so true that our “innocent” words and jokes have a profound effect on our beliefs and actions. You are more than just a saave marketer. Thanks and Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and your family.
Darwin
December 23rd, 2007 at 2:33 am
Dear Yanik: I met you and two of your friends in the wee hours at the Mariott in Delray after the art auction. One of you were playing the piano (I think it was you) as another was playing bartender behind the bar…until the security guard ruined all the fun.
My sister and I were sitting in the lounge area and you and your 2 friends joined us and you all were very, very entertaining!! I think it was you who asked your “radio” friend if he could “close a deal” wearing that “sweater” and we all laughed our asses off over that “sweater”!!! (sorry radio dude). Your other friend was having some remorse about having to go run with his brother in like just about an hour or so, and you? You were boasting of your “chicksinchickensuits.com” website! Like I said…very entertaining!
We inquired about the art auction and one of you told us it was to raise funds for homes in Haiti. At that very moment, our other sister was literally in Haiti taking over medical supplies. What we didn’t know is that she personally knows Frank McKinney and apparently has met with him on more than one occasion in regards to Haiti.
Now, that’s a kwinky-dink!
My comment on self-defeating words: Whether you think you can or can’t, you’re right!
Great web site man! I think I am going to purchase one of the Gold Mines!
Happy Holidays to you and the fam and hope you have a great time in Baja!
December 23rd, 2007 at 3:31 pm
Great message. I truly believe this concept and I catch myself uttering self-defeating words and phrases from time to time. When I do, until it changes to a daily habit, I correct myself by re-wording it and saying it again aloud or saying it a few times to myself, internally.
It’s funny because when I’ve mentioned why I do it, many people look at me with a “yeah, whatever!” expression, like I announced that I was a living prophet or something. People really sometimes think that life is all balled up in what we can see, hear and touch and those are their limits… tisk, tisk.
I appreciate what you’ve written, Thank you much
December 24th, 2007 at 11:23 am
Right on, Yanik! A word I had to work at kicking out of my vocabulary was “probably.” I found that I often thought, wrote, and spoke using that word and that it weakened or watered down whatever point I was trying to make. That word opens the door to doubt and uncertainty. Would you rather have a leader who says, “We should probably take this action” or one who says “We should take this action.”
December 25th, 2007 at 5:15 pm
Hi Yanik;
Just a quick note of thanks, actually. You do a great job of blending real-world tactics, with behind-the-scenes strategy, as well as mindset, which is one of the biggest detractors that most people face.
Being an absolutely perfectionist (a trait I am slowly learning to let go of), I am no exception and I really enjoyed having some additional tools in my kit that I can use if/when I start thinking or speaking in negative or limiting terms.
All the best to you and your loyal readers this holiday season.
Paul
–
http://www.MakeMyMarketingWork.com
December 26th, 2007 at 3:29 pm
Yanik,
some time ago I read the Millionaire-Blue print -are you the same person ?? by the way the founder has passed away I was reading his Jan 08 issue just thought you would like to know .
thanks
Walter
January 1st, 2008 at 1:37 pm
How do I find legitimate drop shippers? I see a lot of businesses offering, I just don’t want to get burned.
Happy New Year and Great Book!
Brandy
January 2nd, 2008 at 6:37 pm
Hi Yanik – I’m wondering if you’re planning on doing an info product on the Maverick Business Adventure – sounds like it could be edited into a great DVD Continuity product.
Campfire Talks, Shop Talks – Lessons Learned, and of course…. Testimonials of the value and fun of the event.
I’ve got some HD Video Cams and could tape / photo the event, and if you don’t sell the extra seat – drop me a line.
Hey – what the heck- if you don’t ask, the answer is always “No”…
David Rachford
http://www.cpamarketingcenter.com
http://www.millionairemanifesto.com
PS. For Brandy, I use Selby Marketing in NY, too – and he’s great.
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David, thanks for the offer – we have a videographer/photographer coming on the trip and I plan on doing something with all the content.
January 29th, 2008 at 7:37 am
Self defeatism alert – download your self-defeatism filter before you read another word.
I struggle to recognise “money” as the goal. And this is going to sound like I live up my own backside.
But it is often the wrong question.
I’ll tell you what I mean.
The Internet is chock-full of short-cutters. People who are seeking a get-rich-quick answer to their problems.
Money is seen as the answer. But in reality, the question they type into Google is probably the wrong one.
Now before you think I’m some sort of sanctimonious so-and-so preaching an anti-capitalist message, you’re wrong.
I just feel so sorry for those who do not share the same ability to mentally tune into what they really want.
They may purchase get rich quick guides which promise overnight success, but when they get them, it actually requires a modicum of intelligence and some hard work to get there.
Traits they sadly lack.
What they really mean is that they want to get rich quick, BUT without having to lift a finger.
An answer to the other problems in their life caused by guess what?
An inability to focus and possibly even an up-bringing in this information age which kind of suggests that everything is really easy.
And yes, it is easy. If you apply yourself. Educate yourself. Adopt a positive mental attitude. Set yourself goals and achieve them.
In other words, it requires a little elbow grease even if your weapon of choice is words rather than physical effort.
February 10th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
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March 15th, 2008 at 9:48 am
Hi Yanik,
This is definitely true. Sadly I’ve fallen into the trap of feeling that assumed defeat regarding money. I’m looking to go back to school for a second bachelor’s this fall to study music. That’s where my real passion and talent lies, but after not receiving a scholarship and not being eligible for state/government student loans because I’ve already graduated once, I’ve found myself saying “gah! I can’t afford this.” But there have been those moments where I’ve said, “Okay this is really invaluable to my growth as a person. How can I afford this?” and it gets my brain working to try to find situations where I could have a little bit of extra money to put toward the immense loans I’m going to have to take out.
I bought your Moonlighting On The Internet book last night and have begun reading it. I definitely feel inspired, and still a bit overwhelmed by the options and not quite knowing exactly how to get started. Hopefully by the time I’m done reading I will have some ideas of where to start. My first degree was in technical communications and I’ve held and Internet Marketing job for the past year, so I think that’s really prepared me pretty well to jump on this combined with the other skills and passions I have. We’ll see!
I’ll …haha I almost said try. I WILL remember what you’ve said here and be more positive about this seemingly unsurmountable debt pile I need to whittle down in exchange for a priceless education and hopefully a future career in the music biz!